| On Painting Though I've been back from Taiwan for about half a month now, I still don't feel settled in yet. This is probably due to the fact that I left for Taiwan with my bedroom walls half painted, and felt that finishing the painting was a matter of priority once I got back. Because I live in a 1/1, though, and paint air has already knocked me out before (darn Houston muggy humid weather, doesn't really encourage window-opening), I fell into a routine of coming back from work, getting dinner ready, painting what I could while dinner was cooking, then bringing dinner to James' and spending most my time there (he has a big TV, the cat, and non-toxic air). But tah-dah! I have finally finished! With the end result of my feeling like the room's a little more defined than it once was (i.e., smaller) since it's a shale blue color now, but at least it's a little more personalized than the standard apartment white. Next will come the IKEA re-decking out. THEN I'll get around to dragging all the stuff I moved into the living room back, and then maybe I can finally invite people over without having to apologize for the mess. Sigh. On Professional Disappointments Biggest news since I've gotten back: my advisor and I had a falling out. I always felt grateful in that, given that grad school sort of puts you in limbo between real cubicle life and college, I had a few more years to learn about professional interactions and whatnot before being shoved into a Dilbert world. I even felt more special than my other grad friends, because my advisor and I seemed to have a very fun relationship compared to everyone else, in that he could burst in talking about the color he wanted to paint his lounge or complaining about a resident he had to teach, and we could joke around when there wasn't something serious to discuss. I always thought we had good boundaries, where if we were talking about work we could be fun-serious, and after hours when I stayed late in lab we could have insightful discussions about whatever was on our minds. I guess that's over now though, and it saddens me. It's always difficult, in any sort of relationship, to be sure where each other think the boundaries lie. I thought I was pretty decent at sounding out boundaries, but I guess I was wrong. Though being buddies -- not friends, quite, in that if someone I knew needed medical advice I would still be hesitant to just call my advisor (he's an MD, PhD) -- can be great, do I really need the burden of worrying where his line is compared to mine, and always wondering if I'll accidentally toe across it? As I obviously did, I guess, last Monday. I respect my professor a lot as a very intelligent, very enthusiastic mentor, but if he can gossip with me about other professors, and have discussions with me about classes then reincarnation, I think the issues are on his side when he can suddenly turn to me and say "we are not friends, I am your professor, and you would do well to remember that." Ouch! What kind of "buddy" does that? Not one of mine, believe me. I don't want to go into details, but in essence he said, while I was helping him figure out some ways of analyzing data, "I should take classes on Photoshop." And I, thinking we were what I always thought we were, said "You should have gone to that class I forwarded that email to you about then!" According to our lab tech Jim, who I can safely and confidently say is a friend of mine, my advisor's main concern with my comment was that I, as a student, should not have had the nerve to suggest he needed to learn more. Jim tells me this not only because he was standing next to me when this happened, but my advisor, in a characteristically unprofessional way, dragged Jim aside to complain about what I said to him one morning before I came into lab. I would never have thought to use the phrase "characteristically unprofessional" to describe my professor before. But honestly, does the professor or the student define the relationship? Would I have even imagined we were buddies if he didn't encourage it? I don't think so...I'm not sure, but I really don't think I'm that type...I'm actually incredibly shy around authority figures. Also, is it professional as a boss to drag one employee aside to complain about the other employee? I think most of you in the corporate world would agree that that'd probably cause more problems than it would solve. Unless venting is just that essential at the mo. *shrug* So yeah anyway, no more second guessing, no more tiptoeing. We're not friends, we're not buddies, he's my prof, I'm his student. That's all. I don't think I can ever really be friends with someone who would say that to my face, and repeat it to my coworker later on for validation. It's unfortunate that that 2 minute outburst is going to define the next 3 or however many years I'm going to be in his lab, but his choice. If he wants to keep someone after work for another hour to discuss anything non-work related, it just won't be me anymore. Pity. |
